I am now thirty eight weeks pregnant and am just now finding the focus and/or the words to write this post.
I feel a little like Mary in that most everything I have felt and experienced during this pregnancy have found a home within my heart to be pondered on a very personal level. There is a sense of holiness about what is happening within my body and within our family. Marilee is a gift.
I am uncomfortable and achy in places that I don’t know you well enough to tell you about. I am exhausted 70% of the time and sweaty if I am moving. I waddle everywhere and have embraced the fact that this much extra Emily is in no way a treat to my man’s eyes. I have thrown up and endured indigestion that could make your toes curl. There is no time for Animal Planet or the Twilight series this time around. There is a three year old to be cared for and loved upon and showered with attention while there is extra attention to be shared. Truth: It is not easy to be pregnant. Ever.
It IS a gift. I find myself overwhelmed sometimes when Marilee is determined to shove her feet in my ribs or is finding great joy in using my bladder as a punching bag – overwhelmed that this is real. God allowed me to do this again – to deliver another baby. He chose it. His grace is unending.
Josh commented last night that he’s been rather impressed with the lack of complaining he’s heard from me this time around. Let’s just say that the combination of motherhood and loss have stretched my big girl panties a bit so there’s room for more of me in them than there used to be. I just want it to be known that I am not good at being pregnant but I am immensely appreciative of the opportunity all the same; that God’s rich grace has covered me in a trusting warmth I didn’t know existed; and that motherhood, in all of its forms, is a treasure that brings me more joy than I knew existed if only I will choose to see it.
Please continue to pray for sweet Marilee’s birth if you think about it. My anxiety level regarding the subject increases with each passing day, but I know that God’s faithfulness will not waiver.
Keep on keepin’ it down and dirty. Love y’all like crazy!