A Gift of Tenderness

Here’s the truth – I have something I’m dying to tell you about – a thing God is doing in my heart that makes me deeply and entirely excited. I got up at 6 am ready to take full advantage of the presence of The Hunk’s laptop [because our computer is busted…again] – to fill up a post with words about God bending low to undo me and do me back up again. About how He’s thrilling me in who He is, what He’s doing, and about His life-altering Word. About how I don’t really know how to let people in, to show weakness, or to accept help. About free for the sake of freedom.

BUT Miss Magnificent woke up early this morning because her tummy is [still] hurting. She then requested that I lay beside her on the blow up mattress that is in our family room because we, in fact, have no furniture to go in there – while we watch Toy Story 2. Then she needed her Toy Story figurines – obviously – and the TV remote wouldn’t work, naturally, and I had to heave myself up off of the deflating mattress about four times before we settled in. Also, she won’t.stop.talking to me, and she wants her breakfast. Now Miss Marilee’s little voice is dancing over the monitor.

I’m trying to learn to accept these things as God’s providence – a gift, even – and not some tragic twist of fate designed to thwart my opportunities to do what I deem important.

So instead I just want to tell you about yesterday. Thursday. Thursday followed Wednesday, which followed Tuesday. Oh, Tuesday – the breaking point. I’ll tell you about that another time, but we’ll call it The Day I Cried “Uncle” at the feet of Jesus, and on the phone with my Mama, and before The Hunk. I believe my exact words went something like, “I just need to know He sees me. I need to know His will is not just about beating me senseless because my personality is so strong and stubborn. I need a little tenderness.”

Josh surprised me and picked Adelle up from school yesterday and came home early, just because. We spontaneously spent the beautiful afternoon at the park as a family and made a Target run. We made homemade pizzas and break and bake cookies. We watched a movies and danced in the wide open family room. It was nothing extraordinary at all, but it was one of the first glimpses of normalcy I’ve had since Marilee was born.

It was a gift of tenderness.

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Tomorrow – maybe tomorrow is the day that I get to tell you about my undoing but right now there are waffles to be made. How do I know? Little A is wallowing all over my right arm as I type.

5 Comments

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  1. 2
    Gra'ma

    I thought of you in church this morning. A statement he made stuck with me and you came to mind…must be that I need to share it with you. "God, the vine tender, is never closer than when He is doing the pruning." I love you bunches!!!

  2. 3
    Sarah P

    …whoops, phone fail… Thx for reminding me about it! Such a great promise — The God who sees me. And He does! He sees all the mommies at their best and at their wits' end.

  3. 4
    Sarah P

    Right after Cora was born, I was reading "Slightly Bad Girls of the Bible," and in the section about Hagar, Higgs wrote about how she called God "El-Roi," the God who sees me. I held on tightly to that in those newborn days! Thanks f

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