I rise early, stir whipped cream into my coffee because we are out of half and half, and walk down to my messy office to meet Him.
I am studying through the life of Jacob – because he is a man who wrestled HARD with God and became Israel – as in God’s chosen people. He wasn’t always exactly a stand up guy, but God blessed him anyway – because he did not give up. This is a dude I need to know more about.
It’s slow and steady going. As in, I’ve been at it for nearly a month and have only made it through Isaac meeting Rebekah, Abraham’s death and descendents, and Ishmael’s life summed up in a few short verses. Jacob hasn’t even been born yet.
God is already molding me through the story – teaching me so much about who He is and what He is asking of me. More than that, though, He’s teaching me to make space for slow. To let go of this insatiable need to fly through a book of the Bible – to finish the whole thing in a year. Hear me – I am NOT undermining the value of reading the whole story, cover to cover, in a year. I am saying that there is also value in savoring each verse – reflecting on it for a few days if necessary. I’m saying that God’s time is not my time, and it is so okay for me to let go of hurry. In fact, He is showing me that I’ll not know rest until I release every last inch of it.
Yesterday I sat down, overwhelmed by what needed to be completed in the day on top of, you know, just being a mommy. I simply asked God to help me order my day. And He did. I didn’t finish everything. The floors haven’t been cleaned in over a week. Do you understand what that means when you live with two littles? It means our floors are sick, nasty. I could have squeezed it in – the floor cleaning – but I would have had to give up something else like a game of Old Maid with Miss Magnificent or an hour of time with The Hunk. Or I would have had to grab hold of hurry again, which actually probably would have made no difference at all – other than making everyone miserable. So, I did what I could as I could and let the chips fall where they may. In the case, a lot of them ended up on the floors. Oh well, they were already dirty anyway.
This making space for slow is a monumental task. It is requiring a huge shift in my entire thought process on a day to day basis. It takes focus and effort and some grunting. It is not easy to choose rest. It requires scheduling coupled with flexibility; structure coupled with a little chaos. It’s weird and awkward at first. It’s hard work – seriously.
I am seeing more of my girls – stopping longer to know them deeper. I am enjoying more of my life – right now, today. I am thinking less about myself and what needs to be crossed off the list. I am pushing harder into loving people better. I am stopping to smell the daisies – like, literally.
I’m telling you all of this because I want it for you, too. I want you to slow down and know peace, to step out of the rush of the everydays and into the slow of God-speak. I want you to know contentment and change and rest like I am just beginning to know. I think maybe – just maybe – the Church would look a whole lot different if we walked steady and slow enough to see what is all around us.