So, I’ve missed some days. My mind is all aflutter with newness and possibility and living fully and entirely in the now. I am simultaneously becoming more and more aware of my own sin-struggle with discontentment and the possibility of enjoying every moment this life as to offer.
Blame it on One Thousand Gifts or Freefall to Fly or A Million Little Ways or 7. Blame it on anything you want, but I am looking straight to heaven on this one. Lately God has been reminding me that every time I seek out truth – any truth – it’s because He as prompted me to do so. Any time I press in and look for His goodness, listen for His prompting, or purpose toward unwrapping my own giftedness – that He has granted – it feels like my idea, but it’s not.
It’s not my idea.
I am re-reading One Thousand Gifts and it has me reflecting on Philippians again – remembering that rejoicing is a discipline.
I am reading A Million Little Things – slowly, purposefully – jotting notes in the margins and treating the text like a friend instead of another book to fly through.
Between the two of those, these words keep coming back to my mind. I jotted them on my chalkboard for a visual. I am letting them simmer for a bit, and I am loving how they’re changing me. Thank you Ann Voskamp, Emily P. Freeman – and Jesus.
The first bit isn’t enough, because when I re-imagine I change all my circumstances. I am never satisfied with what I have now. I am a live in the future fanatic, and it is crippling me. So, that second bit – about starting where you are – changes the meaning of it all for me. Start where you are.
So, I’m starting in my office. You see the logic there, don’t you? [eye roll] I have been trying to force it to be an office and a craft room with a table and piles of fabric and paint supplies and receipts EVERYWHERE. I threw up curtains that weren’t right at all. I rushed toward “fine” and instead of waiting for “just right”. I do not expect “just right” to look like all new things or a perfect room – I only expect that it will be calm and simple and inviting and the tiniest bit quirky.
I took everything out except the desk and placed it against the only vacant wall in the “guest room”. I embraced the fact that the “guest room” is and will remain a “storage room” for at least another year. At least. We don’t have anything that looks like the money needed to buy a mattress and box frame right now, and that is okay!
See what I’m doing there? I’m not waiting around for perfect?
Don’t settle for fine.
Don’t wait for perfect.
That’s what we’ve covered so far – because I’m rambling and you might be searching far and wide for a point right about now.
See? Empty. And calm. And wide open with possibility.
I do have a vision, and it probably won’t look anything like what most of you think I would choose. That makes me kind of excited, because it represents where I am right now.
Evolving. Exploring. Embracing that this quest for truth is messy. It’s awkward and chocked full of “Whoopsie’s” and “Oh, crap’s” and silent wonder. Me living fully. Seeking God wholeheartedly right here, right now. Not in the country. Not in Louisiana. Not in my Emily’s-way-or-the-highway-way, but in a wide-eyed, open-minded, God-isn’t-different-He’s-more sort of way. It’s painful and thrilling and satisfying.
I feel…happy. Here. Now.
Can it be true??
And can you believe the fun of these paintings?? I’m trying to see if she’ll print them for me as 16×20’s – but these draw me in and ask me to stay a while. I’ve left their little Internet window up just so I can go back and take them in. And smile.
They do, right? They make you smile. If I can get them [eventually], they’ll be the focal point of my little quiet, quirky office. I can’t wait to show you more!
But I will. I will wait for “just right”.
If I don’t, you can have the cat painting – but you’ll never get Marie!
Also, The Nester’s 31 Days Series Home Unclomplified is challenging me in my home decorating approach. I sort of love it!