Wine

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Welp, I’m pregnant again. I’m almost 11 weeks – due August 1st, which means I’ll probably be induced on August 8th…because that’s the way I seem to roll. You know – we’re just going to do them all within a month of each other. Adelle will be 5 in July, Baby B will arrive, and then Marilee will turn 2 – all between July 19th and August 28th. I mean, it’s going to be totally calm and smooth…

True to form, I’m also sick. Oh the awe and wonder of the first flippin’ trimester. It was super horrible at my parent’s house over Thanksgiving. Then it eased enough that I was able to, you know, take care of my children between the hours of 8 and 5. Nothing more. Some mornings, though, I receive full and generous doses of hormones. The following happened on such a day: I got to do the first bent over the toilet gig. It probably could’ve been avoided if lying very still all day long had been an option. And also if I had not eaten Crawtators with lunch. Hindsight’s 20/20.

While I rid my stomach of said Crawtators, my caring, sweet, does not know how to be quiet particularly when she’s stressed Adelle ran into the bathroom and asked, “Mommy, are you okay? Are you throwing up? Mommy? What’s the matter?” Until, in a moment of respite, ordered her to go to her room until I finished. She obeyed but it probably took every ounce of self-control she could muster. Bless her.

I spent the rest of the day as still as possible in a reclining position on the couch while the girls watched TV and tore the house to shreds. At one point, Adelle brought me one of my old socks and asked if she could make a puppet out of it. Obviously I agreed as long as she could handle it without me having to move from my position on the couch. I’m pretty sure I read Marilee every book she could locate and felt pretty good about her systematically taking ornaments off the tree…all the breakable ones were at the top. All I could think about was a story my mom tells about my ever patient Aunt Nancy when her two kids, Rachel and Scott, were preschoolers. She’d just had surgery of some sort and my Uncle Bill had gone back to work. Rachel and Scott made a road of books from their room, all the way down the stairs, into the living room, and over her on the couch and she just kept saying, “Get another one, Scott.” They were occupied and she was doing the best she possibly could do by encouraging them to – for the love of survival – just stay occupied!

Mama’s – you have all been there, no?

I digress. You thought that was the end? Ooooohhh, no.

Josh had a late meeting. We had no food in the house that I felt I could safely consume without seeing it again later. I determined to throw the kids in the car about 20 minutes before he was to arrive home and make a Walgreen’s run for chicken noodle soup, crackers, and Gatorade. They complied with my shoe throwing on antics pretty well and while Adelle was gathering up some final piece of clothing, I buckled Marilee in the car and threw my purse in the front seat. As I walked around to the driver’s seat, I heard a click. I tried the door. Yep….locked. I looked through the window and little Miss M had my keys. Not a joke. She quickly realized that she was stuck and started to cry around the time Adelle came downstairs and started in with the questions.

Do you know what I did? I said down on the ground and cried. Like for real, I am officially at the end of my rope, cried. Adelle snapped me out of it when she ran and got a stool so she could see Marilee and tell her everything was okay in between running over to me and saying, “It’s aw-wight, Mommy. I’m saw-wy youh sad.”

When your 4 year old is playing caretaker, it’s time to put your big girl panties on. I walked over and tried to soothe Marilee until Josh arrived home and took over. I cried when he got there. The girls cried when I left to retrieve my dinner necessities. I lost it again when I walked in and the girls were having the exact same meal they had for lunch: Peanut Butter and Jelly with chips. I was intensely aware of my inability to take care of my little family the way I usually do, and at that raging hormonal moment it felt like they would be permanently scarred by this day.

I cried for a good hour in bed while watching the sing off and sipping chicken noodle soup.

That was a low day. It’s true. But all the days have been milder versions of that one. (I nearly caused Adelle to miss her Christmas ballet performance because I thought it was another day of the week all day long.) Josh has been a one man band, and I’m so grateful for his ability to take such great care of us, but we are all ready for mommy to be mommy again – just for a little while. What has amazed me, though, is that except for that one day, I’ve pretty much let myself off the hook. I am one woman. One miserably sick, already showing a saggy lump [which has apparently replaced the cute bump of pregnancies one and two], kinda grumpy woman. I know who God better this time. I know He only expects what I have to give and right now that’s just not a lot.

Every year our pastor asks us to pray for a word that will be our emphasis for the year as well as scripture to go with it. You never know how God will mold your year around the word you choose – it really is a cool exercise that has facilitated a lot of growth in my life. Due to the very lengthy explanation above, my word for the year is “wine.” Any guesses about why??? 😉

14 Comments

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  1. 1
    Jenn

    Bless your little heart, Em! I just wanted to reach through the computer and hug you! 🙂 Know that it will get a little crazier before it gets better. And know that you have a huge support around you to lift you up. My word for the year is "miracle"…I know Jesus still does them. I'm praying for one for you, too, my friend!

  2. 2
    Pattie B.

    So glad you made sense out of my comment…too fast fingers and a slow phone do not mix well!! Just know you are doing a fabulous job and Our Lord is definitely pkeased! 🙂

  3. 3
    Emily

    And look at your people and say with a twinkle in your eye, "Do what He says." The seasons DO change, but while I'm knee deep in tiny humans I need to remember that God can do a lot with my little. Also, I have yelled a lot in the past few weeks. A LOT. Crushing spirits and doling out apologies right and left…it's the apologies that matter most. That's what they'll remember more than our occasional massive mistakes. Love you!

  4. 4
    Emily

    I knew you would get it immediately, Mama. Lay all you have before Jesus – whatever that is at the moment – and He will work deep, personal miracles that sometimes only a few people know about! I love you, too!

  5. 7
    Emily

    This is one side of the answer – because I have certainly already thought on several occasions int he past few weeks, "Mommy needs a drink!" 😉

    And you should know that the above described day happened on the day we were supposed to have dinner! You dodged a bullet!

  6. 8
    Emily

    Stacey, I think about you often, actually and think, "Well, she did it with three girls that she was homeschooling!! We will survive!" Thanks for always being encouraging 🙂

    As soon as I can walk upright for extended periods of time, we need a date. I want to hear all about your latest adventures!

  7. 9
    molly

    "When you're out of wine… get on your knees and pray". And remember, this is a season. The seasons change. Only a couple of more weeks of the super pukey stage. Thanks for your honesty! It makes us not feel AS insane. You should know that I screamed in EE's face because she kept spitting her food out the other day. She cried, then I felt like a butt hole of a mother.

  8. 11
    Pattie B.

    we, so sorry you are feeling the bliss of pregnancy yet. It will come, but in the meantime whine away and cry if you need to. We all know what a great mommy you are and what a special person God gave us in you. Also know that you have many, many friends who would jump in to help in a heartbeat while you need it, just ask us 😉

  9. 12
    Sherry

    Well I do remember those days & it definitely ain't no fun. So sorry girl.
    About the wine….I think it's bc Jesus turned water into wine & you want Him to turn you into His 'wine'!! You want Him to perform a miracle in your life!
    Well He will bc your open to Him!!
    I love you, sweetie. Take care of yourself & try to remember that "this too shall pass!" 🙂

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